Tag: forgive

5 Powerful Lessons about Love from the Prodigal Son

Beth - blogger, coach, consultantLeave a comment

The lectionary reading for this week is from Luke 15: the story of the prodigal son. And today, I want to highlight five powerful lessons about love that we can learn from Jesus’ teachings. 

If you love, sometimes you have to let go

As parents and friends, we’ve all had people that we want to protect in our lives. But sometimes, as the father in the parable, we realise that we have to let our loved ones go out and learn lessons for themselves. 

So, we see, at the beginning of the parable, that the father simply allows his youngest son to leave.

There was a man who had two sons. 

And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. 

Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living.

I can’t imagine this father’s pain when his son treated him as dead, asking for his share of the inheritance ahead of time. But, rather than teaching him a lesson, he loves him enough to let him go and experience the world on his own.

Unlike now, where we have internet, email, WhatsApp and all types of communication and travel that can reduce the distance between us, I’m sure that the father didn’t hear from his son once he left and moved away.

He was basically abandoning his family and all their teachings.

And still, the father let him go.  All his hard work and affection, just squandered by youth’s mad pursuit of the present moment. 

True love is not about control and it’s not always about protection. Sometimes, it’s allowing someone to grow up and learn on their own.  As parents and friends, we have to learn to love fully, even letting go.

Even with God’s love, we see freedom of choice. We choose whether or not to practice the Divine’s presence in our life each day. What relationship do you want to have with Spirit?

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Choose your friends wisely

The second life lesson in love that we learn from the Prodigal Son is to choose your friends wisely. 

We’ve all had our share of fair weather friends. The Prodigal Son shows us a prime example of this.

When he’s rich and there’s money for parties and entertainment, he’s surrounded by people that want to be his friends. He’s living the high life.

But after he squandered all his money and the famine hits, he gets a rude wake up call.

Where are those friends now?

He’s all alone in a foreign land, with no one to help or guide him.

He sinks as low as to become a servant for another, having to feed slop to pigs on someone’s farm. He’s so low that even the pigs eat better than he does. 

But, he has fallen to this low, because of the friends that he chose in this new land and how they influenced his choices. 

Jim Rohn said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. 

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. 

We all need connection and belonging in our lives. This is one of the reason that we find so many gangs flourishing in low income ghettos. They give youth a sense of belonging and safety. No matter how dangerous it might be, they meet their needs to some extent. 

But this connection and belonging also influences our habits and choices.  Do the people that we choose to build relationships with lead us to better ourselves and strive to grow? Emotionally, spiritually, financially and even physically.

If your friends are all into health and fitness, it’s likely that they are inviting you to go for walks, or go to the gym, hiking, cycling or different types of classes. Where they choose to go to eat and what they drink will be influenced by this lifestyle choice. 

And as you spend time with them, you will find it easy to choose healthy activities and focusing on your physical wellbeing. 

Of course, the prodigal son’s friends also influenced his choices – to spend money frivously with no thoughts to the future.  And it destroyed him. 

Throughout the Bible, we find all manner of advice about how to choose our friends and those we regularly spend time with. What will you do with this advice?

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Knowing when to admit “I was wrong”

Our third lesson in love from the Prodigal Son, comes when he wakes up to his situation and reality, and chooses to admit that he was wrong. 

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

All of us make mistakes. But what really matters in relationships is how we deal with those mistakes and how we choose to relate to others. 

Can we humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness from those who love us? Are we willing to rebuild a relationship based on forgiveness? 

Today’s lesson from the Prodigal Son is not just about a father’s love. It’s also about humility and admitting our mistakes.

The Prodigal Son no longer takes his father’s love and care for granted. Instead, he resolves to return with humility and ask for forgiveness. 

So, today, let’s consider those relationships where we are taking others – especially their love and care for us – for granted. Do we need to ask for forgiveness in humility and rebuild our relationships? 

Unconditional love and rejoicing

Perhaps the best lesson we all know from the Prodigal Son is the father’s response upon the return of his wayward son. 

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

In previous parables, Jesus talked about the Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go out to search for that one lost sheep. And here, we see the father rejoicing over the return of that one wayward son. 

We first see that when the father sees him, he is filled with compassion. He recognises that the broken young man returning home is his son. And while the son recognises that he is in the wrong and no longer worthy of being called his son, the father responds with returning to him his status of being a son. 

He clothes him and put shoes back on his feet. He begins a feast to welcome him home. 

I find it fascinating that this father didn’t say “I told you so¨. 

There’s no lecture and no questioning. He accepts the apology fully and embraces his son back into the family. 

There’s probably wisdom in this father’s heart and eyes: he can see that life has already provided all the lessons and there’s no need to rub salt into his wounds. What the son needs now is love and acceptance. 

But how many of us can show this level of wisdom in our love and relationships? Do we know when to lecture and teach versus when to simply show love.  It’s not about coddling and pampering. But rather, it’s about know when to speak and what to speak.

So, as we learn from the Prodigal Son, there’s a time in relationships to accept someone’s humble apology and embrace them without teaching them anything further.

Do we have the wisdom to know the difference?

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Love isn’t just about following the rules

Our final lesson in love comes from the reaction of the older son to his brother’s return and his conversation with his father:

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I can almost hear resentment in the older brother’s voice towards his father. It almost seems that there are unspoken feelings in his heart towards his father – the struggle of always being “the responsible one”. 

But relationships and love aren’t just about following the rules and never disobeying. It’s not just about external compliance, but also the state of our heart. 

Take a moment and consider whether you are holding any resentment in your heart towards others because you feel that the relationship is unfair. You’re doing everything right, but are you complaining that you don’t receive “enough love” in return? 

Is this really love that you are feeling? Or is it just responsibility? Love isn’t a transaction. 

I know, for myself, the biggest resentments I have ever felt in my life are not actually towards others, but towards God. The times I have recriminated with “But this isn’t fair!” have typically been when I’m complaining about life to the Divine. 

Today’s a great day to consider what bitterness or resentment you might be holding in your heart in your relationships. Where do you feel that you’ve been doing it all right and you’re not receiving back the love and attention that you deserve? And what will you do with these feelings now that you’ve identified them? 

What other lessons have you taken away from this parable of the Prodigal Son? 

Empowerment after forgiveness and repentance

Empowerment after Forgiveness & Repentance

Beth - blogger, coach, consultant1 Comment


The book of John is the only gospel in which we find this part of the story after the resurrection, especially Jesus’ questions to Peter “Do you love me?”. For me, this is a beautiful story of restoration and empowerment, after the hard road of failure, forgiveness and repentance.

Failure

Peter, many days before, had been left crying bitterly at his failure and lack of faith. The very day that Peter declared that he would die with Jesus, when asked if he was a disciple, he denied it vehemently. Peter simply caved in to fear and the dread of the unknown after seeing Jesus voluntarily submit to his arrest. When Peter had lopped off the ear of one of the guards, Jesus had healed the man.

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Resurrection

Beth - blogger, coach, consultantLeave a comment

Easter has just passed, and while everyone was focused on Jesus’ resurrection I was busy thinking about my personal “death” and “resurrection”.  I don’t know about you, but it seems that every 6-7 years, life presents us with a “breakdown”: grow through this experience or be doomed to repeat it in 6-7 years time! They say that after every breakdown, comes a break through, and I think that this is very true for all of us, especially spiritually. Without the break down, we would never be forced to break through!

Over the past months, I have been convinced that I need to focus on my spiritual well-being, putting God, as Source and Substance first in my life. I find this to be particularly challenging. Source: as in source of my

  • income and substance,
  • energy and health,
  • emotions and feelings, and
  • source of my thoughts.

If I focus on one aspect of my life, I typically exclude the Divine from other aspects, unconsciously. So, I constantly find myself “going it alone”, and then try to come back to center. When I remember that the Infinite is the source of my abundance and finances, I forget about my health and well-being. When I focus on Divine as source of my emotions, I get caught up in my thoughts.

Death: releasing and renewing

So, over Easter, I was busy contemplating: what do I need to release and let go of? What beliefs and thoughts and feelings no longer serve me? What would I be better of without?

And even more importantly, perhaps, what do I need to forgive and release? What baggage am I carrying around, emotionally and in my thoughts, that needs to “die” in me and be released?

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” — Buddha

The same goes for suffering, hurt and pain that we hold onto because it has become part of who we identify with. Who will I be if I let go of this? We talk about “renewal of our minds” and yet strangely consider it okay to hold on to those beliefs and habits which do not allow us to grow, renew and resurrect.

I started March on the right foot: a morning spent on World Day of Prayer in prayer and forgiveness. And yet, when we arrived at Easter, I was very aware that there was still work to be done in forgiveness and release. I needed to renew my mind even further. I needed to focus on forgiveness of self, and release and let go, so that I could move past mistakes of the past and grow.

Rising from the ashes like a phoenix:

We have developed, as a human race, many concepts of death and resurrection. We speak of rising like a phoenix from the ashes, and this symbolism exists across many cultures.  For the Greeks, it is the phoenix, but it is also the Benu bird of the Egyptians. For some, it is the Nimbus, closely related to the sun. The Jews has the Milcham, and the Persians had the Simurgh. Native Americans have the Thunderbird, Russians have a Firebird, and the Chinese have the Feng Huang. Finally, the Japanese have the HoHo bird. These are all symbols of resurrection after loss.

The phoenix is a legendary bird that can live for 500 years. Knowing that the end was near, the phoenix builds a funeral pyre for itself. It lies down on this pyre as it begins to die and burst into flames, consumed by the fire. Then, from the fire, the phoenix  emerges, renewed, purified, more beautiful and regal than before. And so the cycle of life would begin again, for another 500 years, dying, purifying, returning more beautiful than ever, into perpetuity.

And so, I have been ruminating about what has died or is dying in my life that it’s time to release?

What should I simply release and let go of, so that I can rise again, a more beautiful and better version of myself?

As a spiritual being in a human body, what does eternity and perpetuity look like?  If the Kingdom of Heaven is here: what does that look like in my life and experience?

Renewal & resurrection:

And so as Easter moves into Pentecost – a time in which we rejoice in the Oneness that we have with Wisdom and Comfort – I am invited to contemplate what my renewal and resurrection looks like.

  • Who am I when I am the best version of myself, living as my Creator intended for me to live?
  • Who am I after I have walked through the fire of purification, with eyes clearly fixed on my purpose?
  • What does my spiritual self look like when I leave behind that which no longer serves me and commit to being the Light in this world?

As I live in Presence each day, committing to Peace in my life, I am assured that I have everything that I need.  That the source of my abundance and sustenance, my emotions & feelings, my thoughts and my bodily health is Perfect. I am simply asked to allow the Light to fill me and flow through me.

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Sermon: Accountable before God

Beth - blogger, coach, consultantLeave a comment

Readings:

This morning in Romans we read:

Why do you pass judgment on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. … So then, each of us will be accountable to God.

And in Matthew we read:

So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.

The reading in Matthew started with:

Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?”
18:22 Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.

Some say that means that we have to forgive 77 times and others say that’s 490 times: seventy times seven.  So, imagine with me, for a moment, if God actually kept score of our forgiveness of each other, the same way that we keep score of how others have wronged us. How would that ledger look? Do you ever make it to forgiving someone 77 times for one offence? Ever?

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And then imagine if God was as quick to pass judgment on us as we pass judgment on others. Romans asks us today, why do we despise each other? Some versions say “treat them with contempt”, others use the word “belittle” or “look down on”, and still other versions say “set at naught”. To set at naught means to treat as of no account, to disdain, to hold in disregard, to treat with ignominy, to hold as insignificant.

A loving Christian is meant to care, deeply, for others: family, friends, church members & neighbors. But when we go into survival mode, that vulnerability and authenticity get shut down. Poets have long claimed that hearts grow cold and become hardened:  we treat others with disdain and insignificance. In our attempt to protect ourselves from distress and dull the pain, we divest ourselves of caring and responsibility.

When broken people live together in a broken world, pain is inevitable for anyone who loves. The only way to avoid the crushing pain of a broken heart is to make your heart unbreakable. So, we become the person that says “I don’t care” or “whatever”, when the luxury of giving ourselves the time and space to feel is threatened. And much of this despising or indifference towards others comes from looking inwards at our hurt and pain, and the defense mechanisms that we naturally have to block this out: just stop feeling. And so our hearts become hardened. If you choose the becoming “unbreakable”, you will also choose to lose your compassion.

What is critical to remember is when a heart becomes hardened, the brain has its own reasons for pressing down upon vulnerable feelings. To feel sets the person up to get hurt and the brain is geared towards survival at all costs. To bring emotional defenses down, the heart must be softened. The question is how can this be done? For me, personally, forgiveness has played an incredible role. I have repeatedly worked with Ho’oponopono meditation, where you sit and repeat: “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.” I’ve used this focusing on loving myself, loving others, loving God.

Forgiving and letting go is so much more than just my relationship with other people: a hardening of heart inevitably means I have hardened my heart towards God. And when you forgive yourself and others, truly forgiving them, you begin once more to experience God’s love and light in your life.

Jesus knew this: which is why he said we need to forgive an offense 77 times (or 490 if you read the KJV). If we want to be compassionate in this world, we need to allow people into our hearts. People will hurt you. People will take advantage of you. People will manipulate you. Not everyone and not all the time, but some will. And you have two choices: you can either choose to forgive or you can choose to become hard. You can’t have it both ways.  And forgiving is a hard practice: for most of us, it is not something we just do once and then we’re done. Hence the need to forgive again, and again.

When we remember the offense that the other person has committed against us, we have to repeat: practicing forgiveness. And for a while we will forget and let it go. But the memory of the hurt and offense will come back again, and we will have to repeat once more. And repeat once again. Not because you are going to leave yourself in a situation where that person will continue to hurt or take advantage of you, but because you are choosing a relationship with God over and above all things.

When you are consciously aware that such-and-such a person is “like this”: let’s say that they always ask you to lend them money and they never pay it back. When you make a decision to forgive them and also to keep that person in your life, you know that you will be exposed to more requests for money that will not be paid back. And then you have two choices:

  1. You can give them the money, as a gift, freely, with love; or
  2. If you cannot find it in your heart to give them the money lovingly, you can learn the life lesson of saying “no”. Of learning how to say “no” with love, without attacking them; without putting them down. Just “no”.

But if you give them that money with resentment, it’s like you are putting a curse upon them, because in your heart: you are cursing them and resenting them. If you are going to give, then give with love and joyously.  Make it truly a blessing.

1 John 4: 20 reminds us of this truth:

“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.”

There’s a lot of emotional intelligence involved in being a true Christian! You have to set loving boundaries in your life: where you love yourself enough to be true to yourself, and yet you love God enough to be willing to do the work to be open, vulnerable and authentic. We say we love God, but then we’re not willing to let go of our pain and hurt. That’s mine – my precious. I’m holding onto that pain. I’m not letting it go, I’ve been carrying it around for so long now, it’s part of who I am.

We say we love God, but then we’re not willing to let go of our judgments and prejudices against others. Paul says in Romans 14: don’t judge those who are vegetarians, or those who eat pork, or those who honor the Sabbath differently from us. Are we supposed to respect the Sabbath on Saturday, or on Sunday? We live in a society where dressing in a nun’s habit is okay, but it’s not okay to dress in a hijab. A society where girls should be allowed to dress anyway they like – but it’s their own fault when they get raped for dressing seductively. If we read Romans 4, verses 2 to 4 from the version The Message, we read:

For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume he should only be a vegetarian and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.

So who are we to judge another by appearances? Everyone has been invited to God’s table and is to be warmly welcomed. Even those who have hurt us. Even those who have somehow betrayed us. Our accountability before God is individual – I will be judged according to what I have thought, said, done or failed to do in honor of God. You will be judged and held accountable for what you have thought, said, done, or failed to do for God.

I leave us with this parting thought about the way we live our lives, in forgiveness and compassion for all others who are invited to the table:

None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It is God we are answerable to—all the way from life to death and everything in between—not each other.  (The Message – Romans 14:7-8)