The lectionary reading for this week is from Luke 15: the story of the prodigal son. And today, I want to highlight five powerful lessons about love that we can learn from Jesus’ teachings. 

If you love, sometimes you have to let go

As parents and friends, we’ve all had people that we want to protect in our lives. But sometimes, as the father in the parable, we realise that we have to let our loved ones go out and learn lessons for themselves. 

So, we see, at the beginning of the parable, that the father simply allows his youngest son to leave.

There was a man who had two sons. 

And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. 

Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living.

I can’t imagine this father’s pain when his son treated him as dead, asking for his share of the inheritance ahead of time. But, rather than teaching him a lesson, he loves him enough to let him go and experience the world on his own.

Unlike now, where we have internet, email, WhatsApp and all types of communication and travel that can reduce the distance between us, I’m sure that the father didn’t hear from his son once he left and moved away.

He was basically abandoning his family and all their teachings.

And still, the father let him go.  All his hard work and affection, just squandered by youth’s mad pursuit of the present moment. 

True love is not about control and it’s not always about protection. Sometimes, it’s allowing someone to grow up and learn on their own.  As parents and friends, we have to learn to love fully, even letting go.

Even with God’s love, we see freedom of choice. We choose whether or not to practice the Divine’s presence in our life each day. What relationship do you want to have with Spirit?

Choose your friends wisely

The second life lesson in love that we learn from the Prodigal Son is to choose your friends wisely. 

We’ve all had our share of fair weather friends. The Prodigal Son shows us a prime example of this.

When he’s rich and there’s money for parties and entertainment, he’s surrounded by people that want to be his friends. He’s living the high life.

But after he squandered all his money and the famine hits, he gets a rude wake up call.

Where are those friends now?

He’s all alone in a foreign land, with no one to help or guide him.

He sinks as low as to become a servant for another, having to feed slop to pigs on someone’s farm. He’s so low that even the pigs eat better than he does. 

But, he has fallen to this low, because of the friends that he chose in this new land and how they influenced his choices. 

Jim Rohn said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. 

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. 

We all need connection and belonging in our lives. This is one of the reason that we find so many gangs flourishing in low income ghettos. They give youth a sense of belonging and safety. No matter how dangerous it might be, they meet their needs to some extent. 

But this connection and belonging also influences our habits and choices.  Do the people that we choose to build relationships with lead us to better ourselves and strive to grow? Emotionally, spiritually, financially and even physically.

If your friends are all into health and fitness, it’s likely that they are inviting you to go for walks, or go to the gym, hiking, cycling or different types of classes. Where they choose to go to eat and what they drink will be influenced by this lifestyle choice. 

And as you spend time with them, you will find it easy to choose healthy activities and focusing on your physical wellbeing. 

Of course, the prodigal son’s friends also influenced his choices – to spend money frivously with no thoughts to the future.  And it destroyed him. 

Throughout the Bible, we find all manner of advice about how to choose our friends and those we regularly spend time with. What will you do with this advice?

Knowing when to admit “I was wrong”

Our third lesson in love from the Prodigal Son, comes when he wakes up to his situation and reality, and chooses to admit that he was wrong. 

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

All of us make mistakes. But what really matters in relationships is how we deal with those mistakes and how we choose to relate to others. 

Can we humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness from those who love us? Are we willing to rebuild a relationship based on forgiveness? 

Today’s lesson from the Prodigal Son is not just about a father’s love. It’s also about humility and admitting our mistakes.

The Prodigal Son no longer takes his father’s love and care for granted. Instead, he resolves to return with humility and ask for forgiveness. 

So, today, let’s consider those relationships where we are taking others – especially their love and care for us – for granted. Do we need to ask for forgiveness in humility and rebuild our relationships? 

Unconditional love and rejoicing

Perhaps the best lesson we all know from the Prodigal Son is the father’s response upon the return of his wayward son. 

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

In previous parables, Jesus talked about the Shepherd who leaves the 99 to go out to search for that one lost sheep. And here, we see the father rejoicing over the return of that one wayward son. 

We first see that when the father sees him, he is filled with compassion. He recognises that the broken young man returning home is his son. And while the son recognises that he is in the wrong and no longer worthy of being called his son, the father responds with returning to him his status of being a son. 

He clothes him and put shoes back on his feet. He begins a feast to welcome him home. 

I find it fascinating that this father didn’t say “I told you so¨. 

There’s no lecture and no questioning. He accepts the apology fully and embraces his son back into the family. 

There’s probably wisdom in this father’s heart and eyes: he can see that life has already provided all the lessons and there’s no need to rub salt into his wounds. What the son needs now is love and acceptance. 

But how many of us can show this level of wisdom in our love and relationships? Do we know when to lecture and teach versus when to simply show love.  It’s not about coddling and pampering. But rather, it’s about know when to speak and what to speak.

So, as we learn from the Prodigal Son, there’s a time in relationships to accept someone’s humble apology and embrace them without teaching them anything further.

Do we have the wisdom to know the difference?

Love isn’t just about following the rules

Our final lesson in love comes from the reaction of the older son to his brother’s return and his conversation with his father:

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’

“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’

“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I can almost hear resentment in the older brother’s voice towards his father. It almost seems that there are unspoken feelings in his heart towards his father – the struggle of always being “the responsible one”. 

But relationships and love aren’t just about following the rules and never disobeying. It’s not just about external compliance, but also the state of our heart. 

Take a moment and consider whether you are holding any resentment in your heart towards others because you feel that the relationship is unfair. You’re doing everything right, but are you complaining that you don’t receive “enough love” in return? 

Is this really love that you are feeling? Or is it just responsibility? Love isn’t a transaction. 

I know, for myself, the biggest resentments I have ever felt in my life are not actually towards others, but towards God. The times I have recriminated with “But this isn’t fair!” have typically been when I’m complaining about life to the Divine. 

Today’s a great day to consider what bitterness or resentment you might be holding in your heart in your relationships. Where do you feel that you’ve been doing it all right and you’re not receiving back the love and attention that you deserve? And what will you do with these feelings now that you’ve identified them? 

What other lessons have you taken away from this parable of the Prodigal Son?